I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
