You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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