The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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