Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
