Sober January is a disaster.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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