My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
