I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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