i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fuck appropriateness.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
