I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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