is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize