I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
