I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
