The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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