The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize