You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
