it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
