I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
