I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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