I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
