Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
