i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
