My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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