So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
