and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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