I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
