His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
