Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
