Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
