that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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