This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize