Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
