This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
