I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
