If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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