Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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