This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
