Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
