Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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