I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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