fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize