that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
