you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
