I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
