I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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