someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
