that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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