Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
