brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So squirting runs in the family.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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