wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
