WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
