just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
