so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
