he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
