You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
