Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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