Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
