It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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