I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
