Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
