there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
