please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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