I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
