ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
