last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
