we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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