You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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